


I May Never Eat Pears Again

by CheyanneChika



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Anakin vs. Pears, And Pear-Related Explosions, Crack, Explosions, F/M, Fluff, Goblet of Fire Section Rewrite with Star Wars, Gryffindor Anakin Skywalker, Hufflepuff Obi-Wan Kenobi, M/M, Pears, Prompt Fic, Slytherin Padmé Amidala, Woobie Anakin Skywalker, Yule Ball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 16:37:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12988098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyanneChika/pseuds/CheyanneChika
Summary: Anakin wants to ask Padmé to the Yule Ball.Obi-Wan is there for moral support. (Or is he?)Cody is only there because he was promised explosions.





	I May Never Eat Pears Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nrandom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nrandom/gifts).



> This started as a conversation about how tor.com is wrong about their sorting choices for TFA, delved into a philosophical conversation about the concept of sorting in general and wound up being a pity party about how there are zero Gryffindor Anakin fics on Ao3.
> 
> Nrandom is manipulative. I was on the side where sorting every character ever created into four personality sets based on the pseudoscience of house assignment in a magical boarding school in Scotland is a bad thing. And now I'm writing fic because she used puppy eyes.
> 
> Sigh.
> 
> More notes:  
> Set in Goblet of Fire so...   
> Obi-Wan is basically Cedric   
> Anakin is basically Harry  
> Padmé is basically Cho

“This isn’t going to work.”

“Why do you have no faith in me, Ben?” Anakin whispered excitedly as he lingered in the Entrance Hall, just out of sight of the Great Hall.  He’d already placed everything he needed in strategic corners.  Now, all that was left was for Padmé to come out of the Great Hall.

Obi-Wan, who was dutifully lurking right along with his best friend, sighed loudly.  “Do you remember what happened the last time you tried this spell? The last, oh every single time?”

“It exploded?” Anakin asked, pretending to sound uncertain.

“It exploded!  Everywhere.”

“It’ll work this time.”

“Sure, it will.  I’ll just stay here, shall I?”

“Cody, shouldn’t the Head Boy be brave and face danger head on?”

Cody, Obi-Wan’s housemate and fellow seventh-year, who had followed because Obi-Wan had promised explosions, only shrugged. 

“Oh come on, he should encourage my magical abilities and praise me as the Chosen One and Hogwarts Champion.”

“I am also a Hogwarts Champion,” Obi-Wan retorted.  And hadn’t that been weird?  Dooku, the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, suspected some powerful magic that had tricked the Goblet of Fire into thinking there were four schools, but no one had figured out how yet.

At first, the school had been divided on who to root for.  The Slytherins, who didn’t really like anyone else had sided with Obi-Wan out of competitiveness with Gryffindor and Ravenclaw had leaned toward Obi-Wan as well, as the “True Hogwarts Champion.”  What changed that had been the fact that Obi-Wan and Anakin, who had been thick as thieves since an eleven-year-old Ani had kicked a fourth-year Gryffindor for insulting Obi-Wan’s House, Hufflepuff, had continued on as if nothing had changed.  After the First Task, and the much more obvious danger champions faced, both were supported almost equally (house feuding could not be put aside, after all).

There was one Slytherin, at least, who cheered just as hard for Anakin as she did Obi-Wan.  Padmé Naberrie was another one of Anakin’s saves, though it had been from a rogue bludger sent into the stands during a quidditch game between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw.  Anakin had fallen off of his broom, landing at her feet in order to catch it before it hit her in the face in his third year.  She’d smiled at him and Anakin had been officially in love.

Which brought them to this point.

Rex, Cody’s twin brother, appeared in the entry, nodded once and then jerked abruptly, as if he’d forgotten something, and disappeared back into the Hall.  “There’s the signal.  She’s coming,” Anakin said happiness and adrenaline making him twitch nearly out of hiding.

“Oh bloody hell,” Obi-Wan said with feigned excitement, sarcasm positively dripping from every word.

Anakin jerked back.  “Cody, shouldn’t the Head Boy be a paragon of properness…er propriety?”

“He’s right, your language is causing morale to suffer, your Head Boy-ship, sir,” Cody deadpanned.

Cody, who swore or referred to Merlin’s genitalia at least three times a day, for a multitude of reasons, had no ground to stand on, saying that.

The moment Padmé and two of her friends, Sabé and Eirtaé emerged from the Hall, the candlelight making her positively glow in Anakin’s eyes, the teen swallowed hard and murmured the first spell.

At some point in the two years they had known each other, Padmé had mentioned either that she loved pears, that they were her favorite food or maybe she had just said she liked pears over dinner once when Anakin was stalking her.  The point was that it had stuck with him.  So he was going to use pears to ask her out. 

The original plan had been to enlarge a pear and have it grow in front of her, with the words, _Will you go to the Yule Ball with me?_ written in green, silver, red and gold sparks.

It was seven pear-related explosions later that he asked Obi-Wan why it wasn’t working and Obi-Wan reminded him that Gamp’s first law of magic meant he couldn’t enlarge food.

The next plan had been to make a hundred or so pears spell out the words instead by levitating them.  It had looked strange though—moreso than a giant pear with sparks on it apparently—so Anakin was back at the original plan of a giant pear, but in order for it to happen, he would have to combine all the extra pears into a giant pair of equivalent size.

The house elves had been overjoyed to provide an overabundance of pears for the project.

So now, the pear explosions were on a much larger scale.  Anakin and his pears had been banished from the tower altogether and he’d resorted to practicing in empty classes at night.  Obi-Wan was helping with that by letting him know where his patrols were happening.  If Anakin hadn’t loved Ben like a brother before, he certainly did now.

At half past two, the morning before he planned to ask her, the pear lasted five minutes without exploding.  He swiftly changed his plan for writing on it in all four colors, keeping only the red and green.  He cast an illusion over the giant pair, making it pale gold with a silver leaf on the stem.  He levitated it slightly and it looked rather pretty, in his opinion.  He started the spell to add the sparks…

Then the pear exploded.

“It’ll have to do,” he muttered to himself before cleaning himself, and the room up, with magic.

In the Entrance Hall, pears, of varying color and ripeness, flew from the corners and rafters by the hundreds.  They all formed a whirling dervish in the center of the space and began merging into the “Great Pear.” Anakin next whispered the illusion spell, bringing out the gold and silver of the pear as it grew from the steady increase of normal ones.  The final spell, to form words in sparks, flew from his lips and his wand as he stepped out of hiding.  The words wrapped around the giant pear and Padmé and her friends looked properly awed by the spell work.  Anakin stepped up beside it and grinned at her.  “Will you go to the Ball with me?”

Before Padmé could open her mouth, this pear, too, exploded.

Anakin got the worst of it.  For the most part, the spell had reverted, bringing back whole pears that pummeled Anakin’s side, but a few exploded in juice and fruit pulp and flesh for good measure.  Even if Padmé could have gotten a shield charm up, she was too close and bits of pear saturated her and her friends, both of whom shrieked and ran back to the Great Hall.

Padmé just sighed and looked down at her clothes.  “I’m sorry, Anakin,” she murmured, looking back up and brushing bits of pear off her shoulder and her green and silver striped tie.  “I’m afraid I can’t go to the Ball with you.”

Anakin, who was covered in the exploded mess of pears and completely ignoring it, hung his head, his smile drooping.  “I’m sorry about the explosion, I thought I had it right.”

“The explosion is fine,” she winced at her own words.  “Actually, you’ll probably be in trouble for making things explode in the Entrance Hall, but someone else already asked me.”

“Who?” Anakin spluttered. 

She tilted her head in Obi-Wan’s direction.  Cody stiffened and added a rather intense glare to Anakin’s furious one.  “What in Merlin’s name are you on about?”

“Well, you were taking so long,” Obi-Wan said lightly, stepping around the epicenter of the pear explosion.  He stood next to Padmé and scooped up her hand, to place an over-the-top kiss on it.

The world stopped spinning for just a moment as the sight crystalized in Anakin’s mind.  His best friend and the love of his life were together.  They weren’t his anymore, they were each other’s.  For just a second, anger made him think of the wand still clutched in a pear juice-sodden hand.

Then he looked even harder.

Anakin was not dumb.  He occasionally did dumb things for the sake of improving and being better than everyone else, and because being the “Chosen One” meant he had a little more leeway than most, but he also knew Obi-Wan Kenobi, knew every facet of the other boy and that expression, as he kissed Padmé’s hand, was the one he got when he faced Ventress in Dueling Club.  It was the false smile that led to fake flirting, used to distract her from what he was actually doing.  It used to work when they were younger, though she now gave as good as she got.

“You two are the worst,” he complained loudly, tucking his wand back in his robes.

Obi-Wan immediately let go of her hand as he used his own to cover a laugh.  Padmé giggled and stepped into the pear-bits mess and leaned up to kiss Anakin’s cheek.  “I would love to go to the Yule Ball with you.  Afterwards, maybe we can work together on your ability to make pears grow and float about without them exploding.”

Anakin’s smile could light star systems.

“After all, if everything hadn’t gone…pear-shaped, I would’ve just said yes.”

Everyone winced except Cody, who grinned broadly, and Anakin who probably hadn’t even noticed the word choice.

“SKYWALKER!” roared a voice from the Great Hall where Headmaster Windu was standing, looking ready to have a coronary, in the entrance.

Anakin snapped out of his daze and looked to Obi-Wan for support.

But Obi-Wan was long gone.  Anakin huffed out a sigh and resigned himself to cleaning the Entrance Hall, likely without magic, for the rest of the night.

At least Padmé decided to stick around and relay the story about how she knew he’d be asking her to the Ball that night.

…

_Three days earlier_

_…_

Padmé was attempting to work out this one Arithmancy problem at a table in the library when a gentle double-tap on her left shoulder made her look left and then right when no one was there.  She recognized Obi-Wan’s retreating back as he walked toward the stacks.  He glanced back at her and jerked his head slightly before disappearing.  She hesitated for a moment before getting up and following him.

He meandered to the back and turned to face her.  “This is rather conspiratorial, is it not, Head Boy?” she teased.

Obi-Wan nodded and relaxed only a little.  “I feel I must warn you, both as Head Boy and as a friend, about Anakin.”

Padmé chuckled softly.  “Oh dear, what has he done now?”

“He intends to ask you to the Yule Ball in an…extravagant manner.”

“Oh.”  She blushed and, uncharacteristically, played with the left cuff of her sleeve.  “He’s a bit younger than us.”  The two of them had become friends when they were fifteen and Prefects together.  Anakin was only fifteen now, to their seventeen, and also far too troublesome to be a Prefect.

“I am aware,” Obi-Wan said.  “Whether you accept or not is your choice alone, however, I need to warn you because the testing of the spells he’s using has been a bit explosive.”

“Explosive?”

“I may never eat pears again.”

Padmé snorted.  “I cannot _wait_ to hear that story.”

Obi-Wan smiled.  “He’s going to ask in three days, probably after dinner, so you may need to conjure or acquire a shield by then.”

She laughed outright.  A loud shushing noise came from the other side of the library and Padmé stifled it with a hand.  “I have not accepted another invitation, so I will consider it.  What of you?  You are also a Hogwarts Champion, after all.”

Obi-Wan gave her a soft smile.  “I have someone in mind.”

“You haven’t asked yet?” At the shake of his head, she added, “You should hurry up.”

He nodded and she started to turn away.  Then she hesitated, a playful smile touching her lips.  “Obi-Wan, if this extravagant invitation does, in fact, explode, would you like to prank Anakin back?”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow.  “What do you have in mind?”

…

_Present_

…

“So, are you actually going to ask me to the Yule Ball, or just hope I show up?” A voice asked, startling Obi-Wan from removing his shirt.  He’d retreated the moment Anakin had been distracted.  The Head Boy, after all, could not be seen acting as back up for improper use of magic in the corridors, let alone encouraging it.  He’d stayed, out of sight, long enough to hear Windu yell, before heading up to the Hufflepuff common room and then to his own rooms.

“Have I not?” he asked lightly and turned to see Cody.  Except that the other boy just tapped the side of his head, turning his black, short-cropped hair back to its natural blond.  Rex’s lips quirked and he shook his head.  “Ah, well that must be rectified immediately,” Obi-Wan continued.  “Go to the Yule ball with me?”

Rex crossed the room and leaned into Obi-Wan’s personal space to undo the rest of the buttons on his lover’s shirt. Obi-Wan let his hands drop to the other’s waist, only to settle against Rex’s hips.

“Can’t,” Rex said, just as casually as Obi-Wan had, not looking up from the other boy’s chest.

Obi-Wan paused.  He’d been meaning to talk about this with Rex for ages, but somehow, much like with Anakin, it was hard to be serious when fun was on the table.  “Rex, listen, we are graduating this year.”

“So we are,” Rex put in.

“And I’m sure Cody is getting tired of sleeping in the Gryffindor Tower to cover for us.”  Not to mention that Cody was the only person who knew about them.  Not even Anakin knew for sure, though Obi-Wan was certain he was suspicious.

“Even if we came out, he’d still have to do it.”  Rex hadn’t stopped at the shirt buttons and was now unbuttoning Obi-Wan’s trousers.

Obi-Wan laughed and wiggled his hips letting them fall to the floor.  “True.  But, does it really matter now?  Do you think they’ll care that the Head Boy is dating a Quidditch Captain?”

Rex dragged his eyes up to meet Obi-Wan’s.  “Ben,” he started, but Obi-Wan cut him off with a kiss that sent them falling sideways onto Obi-Wan’s bed.  Their tongues danced for a long moment before Obi-Wan lifted his face away and Rex blinked his eyes open.  “Please go to the Yule Ball with me?”

“I already said I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve already been asked.”

Obi-Wan froze.  He turned stiff as a board for a few seconds and then was off of Rex and gripping one of the bedposts, hard.  Rex sat up, expression blank.  “Who?” Obi-Wan rasped.

“Sabé,” he said, looking down at the floor.  “She’s the least annoying of Naberrie’s entourage.  I said yes.”

Obi-Wan’s façade, which was always so controlled and blandly emotional, as long as Anakin wasn’t doing something stupid, cracked.  Pained sadness curled in his eyes and twisted his mouth.  The hand wrapped around the post tightened until the wood creaked warningly. 

A playful smirk spread on Rex’s face as his gaze snapped up.  “Of course, she thought I was Cody, at the time—”

That was as far as he got before Obi-Wan tackled him, grabbed a pillow and proceeded to beat his boyfriend with it.  “You arse!” he snapped and there were angry tears in his eyes that Rex wiped away when Obi-Wan left an opening for him to knock the pillow away.

“Please come to the Yule Ball with me?” Obi-Wan asked for the third time.

“I suppose,” Rex said with a rather put-upon sigh.  Obi-Wan leaned down and kissed him again.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all liked it!


End file.
